lunedì 23 ottobre 2017

The Bachelors by E.S. Carter


Release Date: 10.23.2017


Synopsis:

It is a well-known fact that a single man without a penny to his name must be in want of a rich wife.

Darcy, Bingham and Wick Austen are about to lose the family business. 
Without a miracle or a substantial cash investment, Austen's - the bookstore chain that was established by their great-great grandfather - will go into receivership.
A chance encounter at a charity ball with the attractive, single and filthy-rich Bennet sisters has Wick Austen convincing his brothers that the way to save their livelihoods rests at the Bennet's red-soled-shoe clad feet.
But these three women are far more than your average, simpering, society-loving heiresses.

Darcy isn't so sure about his youngest brother's plan, especially when the smart, feisty and ridiculously sexy Eliza Bennet shoots down his advances in a ball of flames, and accuses him of being a proud and egotistical jerk.
Meanwhile, Bingham meets the sweet and approachable Jane, and insta-love ensues, and Wick gets used up and spat out by the youngest and most flighty sister, Lydia.
Will the Austen bachelors secure a wife and save the family name or will they become the Bennet sister's latest conquests?

*Inspired by Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, The Bachelors is a contemporary twist with added naughtiness*


Review:



I enjoyed The Bachelors so much I was sad to turn the last page...I know this is a standalone but please Mrs. Carter give me more of these characters.

I particularly liked the writing,the flow and I find refreshing to read something in the GB English once in a while.

I won't ruin the book for you all retelling it,I just want to tell you the Austen brothers meet their female counterpart and the story that comes out is witty and sparkling and you can't miss it.




martedì 17 ottobre 2017

Riske and Revenge by Natalie E. Wrye


Release Date: 10.17.2017



Synopsis:

Love is the strongest emotion in the world…next to hate.

I knew hate. Had known it since I was seventeen. For me, it was love turned on its head, a product of hurt and fear—twisted, tied up…and placed on the sculpted shoulders of Ethan Riske.

***

Dayton, Tennessee.

Home to the best cow-tipping in the world, the biggest hot dogs, and the lousiest sex.

Or so I'd heard...

They were right about the first two. Ethan Riske proved them wrong about the third and at seventeen, he and I spent a summer under the stars, squeezing our way out of trouble, sweating and panting among the haystacks.

Until he left.

Nine years later, when a huge publishing house tries to buy my small press, I storm into the office of the CEO to find him.

Same cocky grin. Different name.

And suddenly all I can think about is exacting revenge on Ethan Riske for breaking his contract...and my heart.

But there's someone who wants revenge even more than I do. As I begin to fall for the new Ethan, will the sins of the old one come back to haunt us?


Review:


I loved this story!

Natalie E. Wrye helped me survive to these latest few stressing days,she wrote a novel that doesn't even let you take a breath.The fast pace and the suspense will make you turning the pages frantically.

I did need a strong heroine and I've found Kat, I did need a man who was a "bastard" but at the right time he showed his true color and he became the Hero and I've found Riske.
When Ethan says that to conquer the business world is like courting a woman is just so lyrical and swooning and he made me so jealous...I'd like to meet a man like him if he ever exist in real life.


Excerpt:

Prologue

“I hope you taste as good as you smell.”

The sound drifted through the air. A slow, sensuous melody floated with it, and as both made their way through the room, the beat of the song and the quiet statement I just heard rattled the bourbon in my hand, making the ice cubes shake.

Or maybe I was the one shaking.

I couldn’t help it. 

Griff was poking a hole in my ribs with his elbow, and as the lips that had just whispered in my ear withdrew, I could see the look on my “best man’s” face. He was essentially salivating, his tongue practically swinging as he took in the vision of the woman who was speaking in my ear… and laying a seductive path in my open lap.

She stood, her long legs stretching, her bare torso twisting as she rolled the shape of an “S” in the air with her body, swaying seductively to the music. She was toned… that was obvious. A tight package with tits too big to be real, the buxom blonde in front of me was the object of every man’s wet-dream, star of every cock-swinger’s fantasy…

Except mine.

But she was doing her best. Clad in a piece of cloth that barely covered her clearly cleanly-waxed pussy, she ground her pretty ass two inches from my face while every other man in the room fought the urge to put their fingers all over her. My best friend, included. He nudged my side for the ninetieth time.

“Fuck me, man,” he slurred. “If she was doing that to me, I’d be two seconds from putting my finger in her ass.” He smirked widely and wildly.

“Good thing you aren’t me,” I shot back quietly, leaning over to look into his face. “That’d be a felony, you crazy ass.” I finally smiled. “And the last time I checked you didn’t fuck strippers because ‘and I quote…  ‘Who knows how many other items have been in those goddamned holes?'"

I threw Griff’s own words back at him with a silent grin.

“Doesn’t matter,” he declared, staring at the stripper in front of me for the thousandth time. “For her?” He swallowed another mouthful of scotch. “I’d make an exception.”

I glared at the beautiful blonde again. Because Griff was right. The exotic dancer… She might have been one of the best looking I’d ever seen. Maybe the best. She was tall, long-legged. Gorgeous… in the porn star sense, of course, with a wide, luscious mouth made for licking and sucking in only the most erotic of ways.

She licked her lips at me as if she wanted to make good on the promise she’d just whispered, and I had no doubt when she looked at me, her brown doe-like eyes wide, that—if she could, she would devour me until nothing was left. Until she drained every drop.

Unfortunately, for her, I wasn’t interested.

She tried to drag me to my feet, her tiny fingers wrapping around my own, pulling as she walked backwards in the direction of the edge of the room. The overhead maroon lights illuminating the space in our black-curtain closed boudoir made her look as naughty as every word dripping from her blood-red mouth, and Bambi the Bimbo was putting on her best pout to entice me into joining her towards whatever dirty fun lay in the dark room beyond this one.

All of the men—friend and foe—whooped as I slowly dragged myself to my feet, stumbling and fumbling over the discarded decorations that littered the floor. Streamers and “Congratulations” ribbons ran the length of the room, taking up space between the cloth-covered tables, and I staggered past them, barely holding onto my Bourbon as I followed stolidly behind the too-excited dancer who nearly bounced on her platform-covered toes.

With the push of another curtain, we fell into another room, and I let my body flounce on the dark-colored couches beyond it, slumping into the padded cushions. I took a healthy swig of my drink and sank my fingers into the seat beneath, wondering how many stains these comfortable sofas had really seen.

The drunker I got, the more it didn’t matter. Ignorance truly was bliss.

And so was the sensation making its way down my crotch—a gentle rubbing that circled the length of my cock through the fabric of my suit pants. From the tip to the very base. I groaned, closing my eyes as I saw a vision in my mind. A vision too good to be true. 

A vision almost ten years old.

Waves of dark hair fell to a waist too tiny to be anything but touched. Shiny and soft, the beautiful brown mane swept across my chest, against my shirt, as two eyes, a crystal-clear blue, peeked from beneath the strands, as round and as large as saucers. In my mind, they met mine, saying things that couldn’t be vocalized, voicing words that need not be said.

They seduced in the most innocent of ways, waylaying me, pulling at a possessiveness in me I didn’t know existed. The blue eyes smiled. The smile beneath them was even better—wicked, as it dipped to my abdomen and pressed there, making me ache, causing my cock to strain against the inconvenient zipper located there.

How many times had I imagined those lips doing exactly that? That tongue licking out beneath those straight white teeth to lap at my skin, the edge of her mouth nipping at the most sensitive parts of me? It was torture—letting her tease me, taking me to the brink and back again as she swept that sheet of auburn locks over my body as she bent to her knees. I sucked in a breath soaked in desire as I waited for her to place her mouth where it mattered most.

And then it stopped. The teasing. She stopped. 

And before I knew it, she was pulling—no, ripping—at my pants. The top button popped, and suddenly my cock was between her hands, her lips. She sank her mouth around it with a sigh, sucking with delight. The sexiest slurp ever made to man escaped from between her teeth, and I nearly lost it, grinding my own teeth as I gripped the back of her head, my eyelids squeezing tight enough to ache.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…” I muttered. Over and over and over again.

It was fucking amazing. Something so simple—someone so simple, sweet and secretly naughty could bring a stubborn fucker like me—CEO and all—to his Giorgio Armani-covered knees.

I came… with my cock in her mouth and her name on my mind. I leaned back even further, letting my head fall into the cushions.

“Fuck, Kat…” I mumbled, feeling way too fucked up to move, the liquor coursing through my veins as I came down from my high, my fingers reaching out to touch her once more.

But she backed away.

“Kat?” she said, rising to her feet. “Who the fuck is Kat?”

I opened my eyes, staring at the figure fumbling around in front of me. It was the blonde vixen—the stripper. Standing on shaky legs, she wobbled between my legs, locking me with a stare, her eyes hard and unblinking. She placed her hands on her tiny hips.

“Who the hell is Kat?”

As if she was outraged. As if she had any right to question whatever the fuck I was doing anyway. I ignored her with a shrug, stowing my dick back in my pants with a loud zip! I finished my drink and sat it down.

“Ohhhh… I get it,” the blonde blower hissed. “She must be your fiancé. Well… I guarantee you that she’s never made you come like that. That was epic, baby,” she sighed, trying to straddle me. Her pussy was peeking completely out of her barely-there panties this time, and she tried to rub it across me, sliding her pink slit across the front of my pants with a slow grind.

I almost pushed her off. I stood.

“There is no fiancee,” I rumbled.

“But I thought…”

“My friends,” I interrupted, “thought it’d be funny to celebrate my new position. They said it was fitting… seeing as how I’m now married to my job. This isn’t a real bachelor party. And that wasn’t a real blow-job…”

She raised an eyebrow. “Certainly felt real to me.”

I pulled out my wallet, taking out a couple hundred dollar bills and putting them in the palm of her hand. I folded her fingers around them, looking into her eyes.

“Can’t be real… Not when you’re thinking about someone else the entire time.”

I turned just as the fair-haired, breathing blow-up doll gaped. I pulled the black curtain aside, exiting, attempting to avoid the curious gaze of every onlooking employee that came to the party to usher me into my new executive role.

My smile was weak, as I tried to shake off what just happened to me in the other room… and who I was imagining it happening with. Somehow, it was the brunette in my head, and not the blonde on my lap, that felt as if she were still on my skin.

I was in so much fucking trouble.



giovedì 12 ottobre 2017

This Time Is Different by Mae Wood


Release Date: 10.12.2017




Synopsis:

Life can change in a flash.

Marriage and a baby wasn’t Amy Forsythe’s college plan. After a shotgun marriage glued together by her son, she’s convinced that love isn’t meant for her.  Now nearing forty and single for the first time since her senior prom, her friends are pushing her to date.  Her teenager isn’t thrilled by the idea and neither is Amy.

Silver fox Thomas Popov isn’t looking for The One. He found her decades ago.  And fell apart when she died.  At fifty-three with a new job, a new city, and an empty nest, he’s focused on climbing the corporate ladder.

When a rec league softball accident lands Thomas in Amy’s dental chair, sparks fly.

Lightning doesn’t strike twice. But love might.
This time is different.

Review:


This Time Is Different was a nice and enjoyable read.
If you follow my reviews you know how much I love these little gems of novels with a mature couple as main characters.

I loved Mae Wood's previous books and this is no different.I really liked the relatable writing and her simple way to tell this story showing how life not ends at 40.

Amy and Thomas have the cutest first encounter I've read this year and their following dates are so grown up but at the same time funny and "normal",a movie a dinner and some chatting...what's better to know a person??!!
You cannot not to love these characters and cheer for their second happy ending.

Excerpt:

“Mr. Popov! I thought the appointment was for five,” I said, closing the door to my SUV after spotting him in the parking lot. He was leaning against his car and tapping on a phone, and his face was still a wreck.

“Yeah, it is. I wanted to beat traffic, so I’ve been taking some calls from your parking lot,” he replied, sliding the phone into his suit pants pocket. Silver hair, light blue dress shirt, rolled up at the sleeves, showcasing his muscular forearms. Someone plays a lot of softball.

“Okay, well, Jana should be here soon and then I can take a quick peek and you’l be on your way.”

“No rush. And please, call me Thomas,” he said.

“Only if you’ll call me Amy.”

“Nice to meet you, Amy.”

He extended his hand, a friendly smile lighting up his face. The bruise was healing nicely, but the impact point was still purple with a large halo of yellow. It was mainly obscured by his salt and pepper scruff. I didn’t blame him for not shaving. Except for his lip, the skin hadn’t broken. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t any less tender from the trauma. In fact, I was impressed that he was able to smile through the ache.

“And you, Thomas,” I replied, hoisting my purse up my shoulder and clasping his hand. I expected a couple of quick businesslike pumps. What I got was different. His hand was big and warm and soft, making me feel delicate, but before I could process what was different, before I could categorize it into neat little bullet points—

“I’m here already. Just noticed you. Y’all are early,” called Jana from the office’s bright red front door.

As I pulled my head out of the clouds, where I’d just begun to wonder how soft the rest of his skin was, I started to withdraw my hand. But not before he gave a little squeeze. Was that a wink?

“Amy, real quick.”

“Yeah?”

“Will you have dinner with me? I’ve got a table at Brooklyn Bridge at six thirty. And I hear good things about the lobster ravioli and tiramisu.”

The heat that had been building in me quickly cooled. I hated pity dates. I hated when my friends shoved men into my path and hoped for the best. The only one ever truly happy was the friend doing the shoving. And I’d had enough pity from men to last my lifetime. Being alone was better than being pitied.

“Did Diana ask you to do this?” I inquired, narrowing my eyes at him, trying to discern his true intention behind his offer of my favorite meal.

“No. Though she told me what restaurant. So, that’s a yes?”

She didn’t con him into asking me out? It just didn’t make sense. Men didn’t ask me out because they wanted to. Men asked me out because they were obligated to. “That’s a—”

“Yes. Let that be a yes,” he said, another gentle squeeze on my hand that I thought I’d pulled away. Maybe he honestly did want to go on a date with me.

“And tiramisu?” I asked, testing the waters with my toe.

“Of course. And whatever else you want.”

A smile tickled at the corners of my mouth. Was he propositioning me? God, really? Me, mother of a seventeen-year-old being propositioned?

“They have a nice wine selection,” I said, wading further into the waters to see whether his eyes fell—a clear sign that Diana had pushed him into taking me out—or whether they lit up because he wanted to have dinner with me. In the three years since I’d started going on occasional dates, I hadn’t seen much light.

“There you go. We’ll have wine.” And there was light in his gray blue eyes. “Thank you.”

“Thank you?” My head spun. He was asking me on a date because he wanted to. Not because someone had pressured him into it. Or that he felt like he had to take me out. I honestly wasn’t sure if that had ever happened to me before. And I meant ever.

“Thanks for taking pity on an old man.”

“Oh, hush your mouth,” I said, letting go of his hand, resettling my purse on my shoulder and turning toward the office. “Let’s see if you’re ready to eat that lobster ravioli.”

As I checked his teeth and gums and lips for healing, I got caught up in his eyes. Thick dark lashes rimmed the soft gray blue.

“Whaaa?” he asked, around my fingers, and I remembered where I was—paused with my hands in my patient-turned-date’s mouth. Blue gloves, yoga pants, a lightweight hoodie over a blue tank top, and whatever random pile I swept my hair up into for my post-Pilates shower at the gym. Yeah, no fairy godmothers here. But at least I’d taken that shower.

“Looks good, Mr. Popov. I mean, Thomas,” I said, swiveling on the stool, stripping off the blue gloves and tossing them in the bin. “The lip looks good. Your gums are healing nicely and the teeth have firmed up. No discoloration or signs of stress. You got lucky.”

He pushed up from the exam chair, swinging his legs to the floor. “I did,” he said, looking at me square in the face.

Am I blushing? My cheeks felt warm. Is it warm in here? Is this perimenopause? Is this a hot flash?  Because I hadn’t had a period in nearly two decades and was sneaking up on forty, every time I unexpectedly got warm, I wondered if I was entering menopause.

But I quickly realized that it wasn’t a life change. It was the big, handsome, and very forward man in my office. I didn’t know what to do because he clearly wasn’t talking about his softball accident. I spun around and typed a few notes into his record so that Diana could pull them up on Monday. I logged out of the computer, but not before taking a quick peek at the birthdate at the header of his profile. He was fourteen years and two months older than me to the day. May eleventh. He’d just turned fifty-three.

“Okay, you guys, let’s hit it. Thanks for coming in, Jana. I really appreciate it,” I said.

“Happy to, Dr. Forsythe. I’m going to go lock up,” said Jana, leaving the two of us alone.

“Am I cleared to eat?” he asked, standing up and offering his hand to me.

“Absolutely. As long as there’s no pain. Pasta would be a good starting food on the injured side.”

I placed my hand in his and it happened again. The warmth. The electricity. The parking lot wasn’t a fluke.


lunedì 9 ottobre 2017

Tempt The Playboy by Natasha Madison


Release Date: 10.09.2017


Synopsis:

play·boy
ˈplāˌboi/
noun
a wealthy man who spends his time enjoying himself, especially one who behaves irresponsibly or is sexually promiscuous.
Synonyms: socialite, pleasure seeker.

Noah 
I have it all, money, looks, and any woman I want.
Till I meet her and my universe is knocked on its ass and she wants nothing to do with me.

Kaleigh 
My motto: never date the same man twice. I have less chance of breaking my heart that way.
Till my eyes land on the only man I’ll break my rule for.

She thinks she can run. That I’ll let her get away.

He thinks he can handle a woman like me.
He has no idea.

A man who has it all needs one thing and one thing only. A temptress.

Watch me Tempt the Playboy.
 

Review:


Tempt the Playboy was a nice,funny,effortless and sexy read...if you are looking for a good time 1 click it.

Kaleigh and Noah love their sex without strings attached,they enjoy sex and they have had a long list of one night stands...said that you can be sure their attracion is explosive but they are also cute and funny together.

I've enjoyed to read more about them because after I finished the first book in the series I was really curious to know their side of the story.


Excerpt:

Noah

I wave goodbye to the blonde standing at her door wearing her pink kimono and nothing else as I am pulling away from the curb. I turn on the music, but it’s not on long before I see a call coming in from Austin.

“Go for Ho,” I say to him.

“Where are you at eight a.m. on a Sunday?” he asks me.

“That you even ask this makes me question how well you know me.”

“Fuck off. You can go a Saturday without having sex and your dick won’t fall off. You know this, right?”

Is he serious with this question?

“I don’t even know who you are right now. I think the problem is that you haven’t used your dick since Lauren fucked your balls up.”

“My balls became the fucking size of watermelons. That shit was not funny.”

I burst out laughing. “Dude, they were not pretty. I thought they’d explode and you’d have just your testicles left on the floor.”

“You better have deleted those fucking pictures that I saw you take.”

“Delete them? Fuck, it’s my screen saver at work and on my phone. I might get a T-shirt made with that image.”

“You’re an asshole.”

I smirk at his insult.

“I’ve been called much, much worse,” I inform him. I mean, just last week I was called a cocksucker, which is totally not true, because I will not be sucking any cock at any time. Ever.

“Anyway, brunch, pick me up at noon,” he demands.

“You live next door now. Can’t you walk over?” He moved in within two weeks of seeing the house. It was so fast and came almost furnished, so he was in within a day.

“Fine, I’ll walk over at noon. Be ready.”

“Later, princess.” I disconnect the call as soon as I arrive home, pulling my car into the garage. At noon he knocks on the door, opening it, and coming in before I have a chance to make it downstairs.

“Let’s go. We’ll take my car,” he yells from downstairs.

I run my hand through my still damp hair before walking downstairs.

“You’re so antsy today.” I look at him as he bounces on the heels of his feet. I follow him out, getting inside and leaning my head back, closing my eyes.

When we show up in front of a house, that is when Austin fills me in.

“Where the fuck are we? I thought you said we were going to brunch.” I look over at all the white picket fence houses.

“Yeah, pit stop first. I have to pick up my dry cleaning at Lauren’s,” he tells me, getting out of the car.

Once we make our way around her house, I ask him, “Why are we at her house?”

“She’s having a brunch.” He shrugs. “I may have sent her some penis decorations,” he says to me before walking to the fence at the side of the house.

The first thing I see are all the balloons. Fuck, my hand goes to my mouth. “Holy shit, she is going to cut your dick off with dental floss,” I say before he knocks on the gate and walks into the backyard.

Austin stops in his tracks, mid-step. I almost run into him when I see that it isn’t just a small brunch, but there are about fifteen or so people scattered around the yard.

“Holy shit,” I whisper, looking at Lauren. “Dude, I think she’s going to cry.”

Austin’s eyes snap straight to Lauren.

But I’m not looking at Lauren anymore. In my eyesight is the blonde standing next to her. She’s a knockout. Actually, that isn’t even a good enough word for her. She is breathtaking. Her blond hair moves a bit with the wind. Her blue eyes are almost like the Caribbean ocean that you want to plunge into. I can’t stop looking at her. I don’t even hear what Lauren and Austin are talking about. Instead, I watch the woman, who finally looks over at me. I’m about to say something to her when I hear something about a chocolate willy.

“No, you cannot have a willy chocolate. We are going to eat in a minute.” She turns and storms inside.

“This is not good for anyone. You must be Asshat.” She points to him. “You’ve poked the bear now.”

I don’t say anything else since he turns and follows Lauren inside.

The blonde turns to me. “So, how you doing?” she says in her best Joey Tribbiani voice.

That she is trying to use the best line to ever be said I smirk thinking I might have found my soul mate. Okay, maybe my sex mate, for the night. “It’s looking up now. I’m really hoping it’s going to look up more tonight.” I wink at her and smile.

When she starts to drag her eyes up and down my body while she licks her lips like I’m her next meal, my cock suddenly starts to stir, wanting out.

I hear Rachel yelling, “Daddy, look, a willy.”

“Fuck, this just got interesting. The ex is here,” she says, looking at the gate where a man just walked in and is kissing Rachel’s head. “I better go save Austin and warn Lauren.” She walks away.

I watch her ass sway from side to side. I look down at my hands. Yup, definitely a good fit. I run after her as she closes the back door.

She’s about to knock on the door when we hear Lauren’s voice go high.

“Didn’t you get your revenge already? You penis-bombed my parents’ anniversary party!”

I move behind the blonde and notice that her head goes up to my lips. My hands go directly to her hips. Her head turns to the side. “I want to hear what they are saying.”

She just smiles at me and I’m feeling my hard cock against her back.

“Should I bend over so you can put your ear to the door?”

Fuck me, I think I just jazzed in my pants.

I pull her even closer to me. “You bend over and there will be one more penis added to this party.” I’m about to lean forward and kiss her when I hear Austin finally yell back.

“You made my balls swell to the size of fucking grapefruits. I thought they were going to explode.”

I laugh at that.

“They were fucking huge. I have the pictures to show. Lauren was a pain in his balls, that’s for sure.”

She leans into the front of my chest.

“I did no such thing.” She tries to deny weakly. “But this, this... You pushed it too far.”

“How about we call a truce?” Austin tries to plead. “I don’t think I can take any more. I almost died, and my testicles almost exploded.”

“Fine,” she complies.

“Truce.” I hear whispered.

“You think they’re fucking in there?” We both lean into the door to hear.

“My sister wouldn’t fuck with a party in her house.”

“That’s a shame. Is this a family trait?” I try goading her to see what line she will pass.

“I have no problem having sex with people around.” She winks at me. “I mean, if he was really, really worth it.”

This woman will be the death of me, or I might faint from all my blood going straight to my cock. Which is as hard as a marble statue.

She lifts her hand to knock on the door. “Hey, I don’t mean to interrupt, but, um, Jake is here.”

The door unlocks, swinging open with Lauren standing there with a pink tint to her cheeks and Austin has his hand rubbing his neck.

“What do you mean, Jake is here? Why is Jake here?” she asks with her voice rising with each question.

“Hi”—the woman pushes Lauren aside—“I’m Kaleigh, her favorite sister,” she introduces herself.

“She’s my only sister, and she will be homeless in a second if she doesn’t get out of my way.” Lauren’s voice is angry.

I chuckle behind her. Lauren turns and points at me. “You, if I find out you helped him, it’s going to be on,” she hisses and leans in closer to me when she continues, “like Donkey Kong.” And then she walks away.

“What the fuck does she mean, like Donkey Kong?” I turn to Kaleigh, looking for an answer.

“Oh, I was on that list only once”—she leans in closer to me—“and I begged and cried to get off of it.” She looks at Austin then back at me. “It was like living in that movie The Shining, but worse.”

I feel my face pale at that little tidbit of information.

I point at Austin. “If I get it like Donkey Kong, I’m going to put the pictures of your swollen, abnormally large testicles on a billboard in Times Square,” I threaten him, while Kaleigh just watches us.

“Who the fuck is Jake?” Austin finally asks.

“Her ex. This should be fun,” Kaleigh claims, walking away from us.

“You took a picture of my nuts?” he asks when Lauren storms out.

I shake my head at him. “No, I took a burst of shots of your nuts.” Then I walk out, following Kaleigh. My dick leads the way to her. He hasn’t even met her yet he’s already on radar for her.

“What are you doing here?” I hear Lauren ask a guy who must be Jake.

While I take in the scene, I turn my head, catching one of the waiters passing around some canapés. I also grab champagne from another tray.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I hear Austin hiss at my side while he watches Lauren and her ex.

“I’m eating and drinking,” I say, showing him my full hands. “I mean, this is a party. You did bring me to a party.” I finish off the food. “You should try those mushroom things. They are really good,” I say, finishing off the champagne and signaling the waiter for more. I grab another glass. “Did the ex leave?” I ask Austin as I drain my second glass.

“Yeah, he came to get the kids and forgot it was the party. Guy looks like a douche,” Austin says.

Kaleigh informs Lauren that we are sitting at their table.

“They aren’t staying,” Lauren says before she turns around, heading inside.

“Oh, come now, Lauren. That would be rude,” Dede chides. “You can sit at our table.” She turns to Frank. “Let’s go sit down, honey.”

Once everyone is seated, I look around our table. It’s Kaleigh, Frank, Dede, Lauren, Austin, and Josh, who I found out is a doctor and bears a striking resemblance to Newman from Seinfeld.

He sits next to Lauren, standing up when she gets to the table and pushing her chair in. She looks over at him and smiles. I watch all this take place and then see the tic in Austin’s neck start to throb.

He grabs his glass of wine and downs it in one gulp. “Slow down there, slugger. We don’t want you flying off on one of those penis balloons,” I whisper in his ear while he glares at me.

“So,” Josh starts, looking at Lauren. “I hear congratulations are in order. You’re back in the work force now.” He continues in that annoyingly nasal voice of his, “How does this weekend sound?” He blushes and looks down at his hands. What a putz.

“Oh, um, she can’t do it this weekend,” Kaleigh answers for Lauren. “She’s having her bikini area waxed and styled,” she explains, nodding her head.

“What?” He looks confused.

“Well”—Kaleigh leans in and whispers—“it’s like the Amazon down there.”

I spit water from my mouth, almost fucking choking while their mother puts her hand to her mouth and Lauren throws her fork down on the plate, the clatter hushing the whispers at our table.

“Kaleigh,” she grates out, her jaw ticking.

“What?” she asks. “Was it a secret?” She shrugs. “So sorry.” She brings her glass of wine to her mouth in an attempt to hide her smirk.

My eyes shoot to each of them like I’m watching a tennis match.

“Dear,” Lauren’s mother questions, “are you okay? Is this procedure normal?” She gives her daughter a look filled with concern.

“Mom—” Lauren starts before she is cut off by her father.

“Lauren, it’s been a while since Jake left. Maybe if you”—he gestures with his hand in a circle and his finger sliding in and out—“you won’t be so stressed.”

She slams her hands on the table, the glasses clinking and rocking with the force of it. “I'm not having any hair removal procedures done, because it is not necessary. Can we please just—” This time, she is cut off by her mother.

“So, you’ve had sex since Jake?” Dede asks her, a smile on her face. “This is so good to hear.” She claps her hands together then leans over and puts her hand on Lauren’s. “I thought you had that glow about you.”

“I’m going to the bathroom,” Lauren excuses herself as she gets up and points to Kaleigh. “You”—she growls—“come with me.”

“Oh,” Kaleigh replies, completely unperturbed, “I’m good. I don’t need to go. I’ll just wait here. Keep the guests entertained.”

“Not a word. Or else Donkey Kong,” she promises before she storms off.

“So,” Dede starts, turning to Austin. “How long have you two been dating?” She looks at him and then at the door Lauren just walked through.

Kaleigh laughs. “Oh, they aren’t dating, Mom. He’s her boss,” she helpfully points out. “He sent all these penis balloons.”

Frank looks over at Austin. “You sent all these balloons and ruined all her hard work?” he asks.

“Um, sir, if I could just explain.” Before Austin can say anything else, Frank puts up his hand to stop him.

“I like you,” he declares right before someone clinks their glass and the speeches start.

I put my hand around Kaleigh’s chair while my thumb rubs her exposed shoulder. I lean in to whisper in her ear, “So since we are talking about bikini waxes and everything, will I need a machete?”

She puts her shoulder into my arm, fitting there perfectly. “No machete needed. You see, I have a very well-manicured lawn.” She raises her eyebrows at me.

“We should have a picnic. I heard eating well-manicured lawns can fill up a person.”

Her cheeks pinked.

“I’ve never eaten manicured lawn before, but I have eaten some pretty good sausages.” She bites my ear, making me almost groan, but then Austin kicks my chair to get my attention.

My eyebrows shoot up when Austin says urgently, “Gotta go,” then glances over at Lauren, who is coming straight for us like a bull and Austin is the one waving the red cape. “Now would be good.”

He throws his napkin on the plate in front of him. “This has been fun,” he murmurs, trying to escape.

“Running off so early, guys?” she sing-songs as she comes up behind us. The way she says it, even my balls are inverted.

“We intruded,” Austin says. “Thank you for having us. Dede, Frank, I wish you many more years of happiness.” We rush out on a wave, out the side gate.

“Run,” Austin says the minute the gate closes behind us, and he doesn’t have to tell me twice.

“What the fuck just happened? I didn’t even get Kaleigh’s number,” I whine, getting in the car, not even buckling in before he races away.

“I may have had male strippers show up,” he says, looking into his side-view mirror.

I turn my head, seeing about twelve men all getting into a big bus of sorts. “Yup, you’ve done pissed off the fucking Donkey Kong. She’s going to rain down on you. I suggest you run, move, and don’t look back.” I buckle myself in. “Oh, and don’t tell me where you’re going because I’ll fucking tell her.” I grab my cock in my hands. “She’s not getting next to my pride and joy.”

“She’ll be fine.”

I laugh at him. “You think?” I shake my head. “You have no idea.”


Kaleigh

I don’t know what is going on, but one second I’m talking about eating sausages on my manicured lawn and the next Lauren is storming across the lawn and Austin and Noah are running away.

I get up. “What did I miss?” I look back and forth from the gate where it just slammed and to my sister.

“The entire cast of Thunder From Down Under just arrived.” She looks around to see if the guests are okay.

I get up, raising my skirt a little bit to show off more leg. “Where? Are they inside? Shit, do I look okay?” I fluff my hair.

“Kaleigh,” she whisper-hisses, “they aren’t here anymore. I sent them away.”

I groan and slam one hand on the table. “Why? Why would you do that?” I get up and run to the side gate to see if they’re still in the driveway. “Buzz kill,” I call her as I pick up Rachel. “Can you protect me from Mommy?” I whisper in her ear before blowing kisses in her neck while Lauren sits down and starts her meal of wine.

The rest of the afternoon goes by without any further penis-related incidents. All cupcakes have been consumed, minus the penis cake toppers that Lauren removed before serving them.

Once everyone has left, Lauren plops down into her chair and throws her feet up on the one Austin sat in. “That was fun, right?” I ask, grabbing a strawberry.

“You told people I had a strange excessive hair issue on my hoo-ha that required a complicated bikini wax and styling.” She glares at me.

“I was trying to get Josh to imagine that you're a woman with a hairy bush so he doesn’t ask you out again!” I drink from the wine glass I’m holding in my hand. “You’re welcome.” I smirk.

“What the hell are we going to do with all those penis balloons?”

She looks around. “Asshole,” she grumbles under her breath.

“What’s the story with Noah?” I try to ask casually, thinking back to the conversation we had. I would have let him plow my lawn.

“No idea. He’s Austin’s best friend from what I gathered,” she tells me while looking at Rachel, who is running in circles with, unfortunately, a penis balloon in her hand. “Ten minutes to bath time!” she calls out, hoping she acknowledges her, but she just continues her one-girl—with a penis balloon—parade.

“Mom,” we hear Gabe call from behind us. “Can I go to Jesse’s house to kick the ball around?”

She checks her watch before answering. “Only for thirty minutes, okay?”

“So, what are you going to do to Austin for all of this?” I ask, pointing to the balloons.

“Nothing.” She smirks. “We called a truce.”

I sit up and put my glass down. “I know that smirk. I’ve been on the receiving end of that smirk!”

“I mean, we called truce today, right? We didn’t call truce on Wednesday when he made me run back out for a fucking crisp kosher pickle, because the one that came with his sandwich was limp, right?” she asks me with a perplexed smile on her face. It’s almost like you’re looking into evil.

“What did you do now? From the pictures, his balls were almost the size of Gabe’s soccer ball.” I think back on Noah’s phone that he took out when he got a text from someone. His lock screen was of swollen balls.

She slaps the table. “You saw pictures?” Her mouth is hanging open.

I nod. “I did. Not the actual frank, though, just the beans. But they were ginormous.” I motion with my hands, forming them into huge round objects in the air. “Now, what did you do?”

“Nothing that will make any part of him swell. I will never, ever do something like that again.” She shakes her head. “I may have shredded one of his parking tickets that had to be paid by yesterday so he could avoid his car getting booted,” she confesses quietly, looking into the glass she picked up from the table.

“Holy shit. I hope you kept the photocopies, because you can’t not pay that. He is going to know it was you,” I warn her.
“I know, I know. I kept them, so just relax.” She puts her hands on her hips and states defensively, “I’m going to pay them.”

“When?” I ask her again, earning an eye roll from her.

“Next week,” she replies. “Rach, bath time.” She walks to the back door. “Don’t you dare sit there and judge me, missy.” She points at me. “By the way, the potatoes had butter in them. That’s for the bikini wax,” she says before she turns her back to me and walks inside with the sound of her curses filling my ears.

“Are you fucking insane? I’m vegan. That’s fucking wrong.” I shake my head, picking up a penis straw and throwing it at her, where it nose dives on the table.

I sit down, finishing the rest of my wine while the cleanup crew comes and starts taking down everything.

“Excuse me, ma’am,” one of the men calls me. “Where do you want all the balloons?” he asks me.

I smile at him.

“In my sister’s car.” I point to the gate door. “The minibus in the front, just pile them in there.” He smiles at me and nods, the balloons following him as he walks to the car, shoving most of them in there.

“Take that, Donkey Kong Bitch.” I smile into the wine glass, finishing off the last drop.

I walk inside, closing the door, then walk upstairs right as Lauren comes out of the bathroom. “Are the guys still cleaning up?”

“Yeah, they are almost done.” I smile at her, walking to my room and closing the door. I turn on one soft light in the room, undressing, tossing my dress into the basket. My phone buzzes and I pick it up as I lie on the bed and see I missed out on quite a bit.

There are messages from the studio about a change in the times. Then there is another one from an unknown number.

Hey, I hope I have the right person. Do you have a manicured lawn?

I throw my head back, laughing at the message.

It depends on who is asking. How did you get my number?

I jump onto Facebook while I wait to see if he’ll answer right away.

It’s called stalking 101. I went on Lauren’s Facebook, went to her friends list, found you. Clicked your page, and on your about section I saw your studio name. Clicked the studio and then boom, I got my prize.

I shake my head.

Wow, you put a lot of thought into this process. Well, I should make it worthwhile. I take a picture of my bare legs.

Holy shit, are we exchanging pictures already? This is fantastic news.

The picture is of him lying down, wearing a pair of basketball shorts, on the bed. The elastic rides very low, showing you he’s a landscaper also. His chest perfect, his abs defined. He’s not a muscle man, but it’s the side abs that get me. Cut and lean. That is the best way I can describe him.

Thanks for that. It made it into my spank bank.

I got a lot more where that came from, but I don’t give it away on the first night. Have dinner with me?

When?

Tomorrow.

I shrug my shoulders, thinking what the worse that can happen is.

Sure, where?

My place, your place, the fucking park. I don’t care as long as you're sitting in front of me.

I giggle.

That’s a good one. How about I meet you at your place say 6 p.m.

Perfect. What’s your favorite thing to eat?

I smirk at myself while I answer him.

Cock. Lots and lots of cock. See you tomorrow, Noah. Send me your address.

974 Sherville Rd. Oh and that answer made this happen.

The picture that comes through is his shorts, hiding a very erect cock.

See you tomorrow, beautiful.

I turn on my side, watching the stars twinkle outside. Closing off my light, the lights from outside stream in. I yawn and slowly close my eyes and drift off to sleep, dreaming of blue oceans and eyes that make me get lost.

My night dreams are of the beach, chasing the waves, running, doing cartwheels in the sand. Sitting in the middle of the sand, taking in the beauty of the sun going down. My alarm wakes me with charm bells. Slowly at first, soft, going higher and higher till it’s like a siren.

“Aunt Kay.” I hear Rachel outside my door. “Mom said to get your bony hind downstairs and get the willy balloons out of the car.”

I turn over, laughing while I throw the covers off, grabbing my robe and going to the door. I open the door and Rachel is still standing there. “You’re in big trouble, missy.”

She leans in, whispering as I pick her up, bringing her close to me, “She used her mom inside voice.”

I lean back, my eyes going wide. “Oh, dear.”

“Yes,” she says, nodding, “she talks like this.” She imitates Lauren talking with her teeth clenched.

“Oh, well, I better go get dressed and bring my behind downstairs.” I kiss her neck. “Go brush your teeth while I get dressed.” I put her down, watching her run into her bathroom.

I walk to my drawer, taking out my pink yoga capris with the matching bra. I head downstairs while Lauren gives the ten-minute warning.

I smile as I step into the kitchen. “Good morning, sunshine.” I stop at the coffee machine.

“Did you put the penis balloons in my car?” She turns to ask me, stuffing papers into Rachel’s backpack.

I bring the cup of coffee to my lips. “No.” I shake my head, hiding my smile while I take a sip. “I didn’t put them in your car.” I’m not lying either. I myself didn’t put them in her car.

“My whole car is filled with penis balloons.”

I put the cup down as Lauren yells bus up the stairs. Rachel comes hopping into the room, grabbing her backpack, with Gabe right behind her. He grabs his bag from Lauren, kisses her cheek, then comes over to me and does the same.

“Have a kick-ass day,” I tell him.

“I’m going to kick ass today,” Rachel says, walking out the door.

“Watch your mouth,” Lauren says and follows them outside to the bus.

I pick up my cup and watch them walk to the bus stop. The bus arrives right on time. I wave goodbye to them as Lauren returns.

“You okay to work today?” I ask her, knowing that somehow things between Austin and her aren’t quite what they seem to be.

“I’m more than okay. I’ll be fine now that we have all”—she waves her hand in the air—“that animosity out of the way.”

I laugh at her. “Is that what you’re calling it?” I hold the cup with both hands, taking another gulp.

She glares at me, opening her car door, one helium penis balloon floating up into the sky. We both watch the balloon float off. She opens the back door and the rest slowly float out. “Let them go, Lauren,” I say loudly as Mrs. Flounder comes outside, her hair still in curlers, with a scarf around her head. “It’s raining penises, Mrs. Flounder. They are raining down on us.”

I raise my hand to the sky. She claps her hands together. “I would like to be rained down on.” She winks at Lauren. “For a whole five minutes. That would be my dream.”

I raise my cup to her. “Here’s hoping.”

“I don’t have time for this,” Lauren says, closing the back door, then climbing into the front seat. “Don’t forget the kids.”

“Aye aye, captain,” I say, saluting her. “I have a date tonight.” I wiggle my eyebrows. “A date I hope to become the pretzel.”

She laughs as she pulls out of the driveway.

By the time I make it to the studio doing my routine and making it back home where I get the kids ready and settled, I have just enough time to throw on a dark blue summer dress. I pick up my purse from the bed, tossing the bra and panties that I am happily going without.